Every family has its own Christmas tradition—whether it’s attending Midnight Mass, doing a festive crossword, or watching Love Actually on Christmas Eve. Christmas is a time for everyone to come together, enjoying each other’s company and celebrating as one.
Each year seems to arrive faster than the last, and we quickly slip back into familiar routines and responsibilities. However, this year marks a new era for me: it’s the first Christmas in my life without both my grandparents and dear Uncle Mark.
So much of it still feels very raw, and it’s incredibly noticeable when certain things they always did are no longer done. In those moments, I’m reminded of what Christmas truly means.
As a child, the excitement of Christmas centres on Father Christmas, the thrill of gift-giving, and a big celebratory meal. You spend six to eight weeks wondering if you’ve behaved well enough for Santa’s approval, choosing which Christmas films you’ll watch, and dreaming about the days off school.
With age, this outlook changes. In your late teens and early twenties, you’re more focused on seeing friends, enjoying nights out, and sipping mulled wine. But by the time your late twenties roll around, you start to grasp the real blessing of the festive season: sharing special moments with loved ones.
Sitting here on Christmas Eve, I can’t help reflecting on what I’d be doing now if all those family members I’ve lost were still here, ready to join us tomorrow. It saddens me to know that many of their little traditions won’t be carried on as we celebrate with those who remain, but I’m also grateful for the memories and the love they left behind.
There’s a Christmas song by Rhys Lewis that perfectly captures how I feel during this time of year called ‘This Time Of Year’. It’s a reflective piece that conveys the love we continue to hold for those we’ve lost. Beautifully written, it encapsulates the moments of remembrance and introspection we often experience at Christmas. I now listen to it as a way to focus on the core memories I have of my grandparents and uncle, keeping their presence alive in my heart.
Despite the fact that this post may seem somewhat sombre, I want to reassure you that it’s not intended to be. One of the biggest lessons I’ve learnt over the past twelve months is how vital it is to cherish the moments of joy and love we experience at this time of year. For many, it can seem like the hardest season—something they’d rather fast-forward through—but in reality, it’s a time when we often feel the most love.
As I look towards the future I must now enter without my loved ones, I do so knowing that while they may not be here physically, they remain with me in spirit through the love they left behind. I march forward, aware that they are by my side, encouraging me to be brave and to embrace a life filled with excitement and happiness.
I stride forward, fully aware of the new responsibilities I now need to take on—preparing the Christmas crossword, carving the Christmas turkey, and bringing love and joy to those around me. I also recognise that the example they set has become the new standard I will strive to uphold and improve upon, ensuring their spirit lives on through every tradition and moment of celebration.
And so, if any of you reading this are experiencing similar feelings of loss or grief, I encourage you to do one thing: reflect. Look back and smile at those precious memories and routines that defined what Christmas meant to you. Hold on to that love and positive energy—let it guide you forward. Be brave and bold, and try to recapture the magic you once felt.
Push beyond what you believe is possible and immerse yourself in the festive season in ways you never have before. Be the light shining at the top of the tree, illuminating the way for those who need it most. Make new memories that will be good enough to last in the mind of those younger than you and show them how Christmas should be.
Finally, though, make sure you find presence—presence for the moments of joy that inevitably lie ahead. Try not to remain stuck in the past or focus on what’s missing; instead, centre your attention on what is yet to come. After all, that’s exactly what they would want you to do.
And I think it only appropriate to end this piece with a few of my favourite lyrics from Rhys;
Well, I still hear their voices laughing
At the Christmas-cracker jokes
See their footsteps sinking in the snow'
Cause all the magic in December
Seems to bring them back to life
For a moment they're all with me, by my side
I'm pouring everybody a drink
But I'm holding back the tears as I think about
How Grandad liked the whiskey
And Grandma liked the gin
And Uncle Johnny wasn't fussed
He'd drink anything
So let's raise a glass to all those
We wish were sitting here
The ones we miss the most this time of year.
I am Will Flindall, host of the Valley of Outlaws Podcast where I speak to those who have decided to take control of their life and follow a passion or instinct.
If you feel like you could be getting more from your life, then maybe one of the conversations I’ve had with the Outlaws might help you kickstart a change.
Peace x
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